Easy Money

It’s 2:52 am and I am wide awake. I was beyond excited to crawl into bed at 9pm last night for the first time in a long time … I would have been giddy to sink into my soft mattress, engulfed in a sea of blankets, staring at nothing but the backs of my eyelids if I hadn’t been too tired for such enthusiasm.

I fell asleep, but just four hours later, I woke up. Try as I may, I couldn’t get my thoughts to slow, or my body to relax again. I couldn’t sleep. I kicked off some blankets. Too cold. Piled them back on. Too hot. Changed positions. Scrolled through the news headlines on my phone. Considered my to do list. Got an idea for another novel. Thought about a patient I had recently that was very sick. Thought about all of the family members and friends I know that are currently sick. Wondered if I was so hot under all of the blankets because I was getting sick. Took my temperature. 98.7. Climbed back into bed.

After over an hour of this, I decided to just get up and see what I might accomplish. So here I am. On the couch, in the dark, by the light of my laptop. Hot cup of vanilla spice tea beside me, weighted blanket at my side in case my body suddenly decides to heed my plea for rest. Considering what I want from 2022 if I am so bold to go after it.

Maybe it’s the stage of life I am in, but money is something that I think about more now than I ever have before. I have had the opportunity to work so many different types of jobs since I was a young teenager. With 26 years under my belt in the workforce, I find myself in a unique position as an RN during a pandemic in the midst of staffing shortages and desperate employers.

Though to some what I have the potential to earn is probably considered chump change, to me, who started out making 5 bucks an hour if I remember correctly, it’s a pretty big deal. I think nurses have a reputation of considering their purchases based on hours worked. Like “if I pick up this overtime shift, I can buy that winter coat I wanted; or I can pay that bill; or fill-in-the-blank.” There are days when I see a missed call and its work offering overtime plus incentive pay (which keeps increasing) if I am willing to come in to help … and I sit and consider what it will mean if I say yes, and what it will mean if I say no.

In some ways, it seems like such easy money. How can I responsibly turn it down when we have bills to pay, kids that will likely be pursuing college before I can blink, retirement to think about, house projects to complete. Why would I say no to such incentives?

Then I think about the quality of my days when I work a night shift, come home and try to sleep during the day but get woken up numerous times in various ways … to wake up “early” to pick up a child from the school bus, to try to be loving and interested and engaged in the stories of what happened in school; to have the energy to prepare a healthy snack (potato chips, anyone?) and soon after, dinner, when all I want to do is crawl back into bed and close my eyes a little longer before I have to do it all again.

It’s not easy money. Not when staffing levels are too low. Not when the work – regardless of how much you love it – is overwhelming and draining. Not when you feel like when you say no to the extra shift or when you get canceled from a scheduled shift that you just gained back a day of your life (because you don’t have to sleep part of the day away before going in and then sleep the following day to recover … you just get to be awake both days and sleep at night!) – that you can play a game with the family or read a book or go grocery shopping or get some laundry done with some semblance of energy.

What I want from 2022 is the self-awareness to make well rounded decisions, considering the now as much as I consider the future. Sure, an extra shift might be helpful for achieving certain goals, but an extra night at home might ground me in ways that the extra money never can. I know I have chosen this career path, and even this night shift schedule. I have been asked a million times if I have ever considered day shift and yes, I have. For all of its flaws, there is something really unique about being a night shift nurse. Perhaps that’s a topic for another time.

I am hoping that this year, for every extra shift for “easy money” that I choose, that I will turn a few down and use that “extra time” to have a cup of tea with my mom; have an unhurried conversation with my dad; take the dog for a long walk; help my sister-in-law and my cousin with their young kids; catch up with dear friends; be completely present with my family; cook a meal from scratch … I know I need to slow down and be in these precious moments that I have while I have them. Money will come and go. Time just goes. Let us spend it well.